Was having a blog a good expereience?

So this journey has come to an end. The semester is coming to the end, and so are semester-long assignments.  It is time to say goodbye to this blog and continue with the learned experiences.  I have written 15 posts with this one, all having more than 300 words as this was one of the requirements for each post. At first, just having a blog was a somewhat sketchy idea for me.  I was quick to think I would be writing personal things for all to read and comment.  But writing my thoughts from the different works we had done in class didn’t come close to personal thoughts.

Eventually, I got to speak my mind about a few things.  In one post I wrote what had I learned from writing in a journal for about three months.  This assignment was directed to get us writing our first thoughts.  Two years ago, I began writing my first thoughts about many things, and writing them in a journal was no different.  This time, I got to write about my overall experiences with writing in a journal, and writing my first thoughts.  For me, the exercise of reading my first thoughts proved to be very revealing.  At one point I had gotten scared because of what I was writing when I first started. But then I saw how many things disturbed and bothered me, and I resulted to fixing them.  Writing on the journal helped me clear my head and organize my thoughts if I feel overwhelmed with work.

Writing on the blog and the journal were two different experiences. The journal was more of an internal, reflective exercise for each of us, while the blog was more of a social interaction expressing our ideas and really getting them out there so that anyone could comment. The journal allowed me to organize my thoughts while the blog was a medium to express my ideas. The blog was obviously a more formal, the writing, than the one in the journal.  Every time I made a post I would think I was making little essays; writing concrete ideas and sharing them with my class. I guess this replaced in-class discussions in a way. This made me think of how correctly developed my ideas had to be.  The journal could’ve been a train wreck compared to a blog, but that was not my case. The journal served as a cathartic exercise.  I could write freely and just release some stress while I was writing.

Having a blog meant receiving comments. And receiving comments meant that I had to give comments as well.  We had to follow Peter Elbows techniques for writing comments.  This was basically a way of writing comments by contemplating what had been written in a post. I received comments from all the classmates that were in my group.  I got a few comments that wanted me to better explain some ideas I had written about.  This type of comments, Peter Elbow’s, is more for giving a different view on things; it basically is a way to better expand ones understanding of a topic.  I have to say that I found myself with a few posts from my peers that I simply could not create a thought or write a comment on what they had written.

Being a college student, my blog worked as a way for me to speak my mind and ideas, and it gave every other classmate the same opportunity.  Keeping the blog got a bit tedious when I didn’t have any reaction to a work.  This happened twice; not being able to write a concrete idea turned out a bit frustrating because we had to have comment, reaction, or something to go against what we had read, or seen if we were talking about a movie.

Serving in Silence, a look at Margarethe's life

A few discussion questions on the movie Serving in Silence, the story about Margarethe Cammermeyer.

1. Describe these reactions:
   A. Military

When Margarethe Cammermeyer told the military about her sexuality, their reaction was to immediately discharge her, but as an “Honorable Discharge”.

B. Father

When she told her father, he somehow understood, but feared for her position in the army. Also, he believed that she should not tell everyone about it because it was an inside-of-the-house matter.
C. Children (in order from oldest to youngest):

Matt: He said he already knew and he understood completely.

David: He was understanding and decided to go to live with his mom after he had problems with his dad.

Andy: He asked her if she decided to become a lesbian, but accepted her anyways.

Tom: At first, he was avoiding her. But as the movie goes on we see that he accepts her mom in the end.

2. Margarethe's decision to tell: 
   A.  The military: Margarethe had never been asked before whether she was a homosexual or not, so she was never put in that position before. In the moment she was asked, she did not lie about her feelings and told the truth even though she was sure that would affect her in a bad way. The Army felt that it would have been better if she had kept that information to herself.
   B. Her children: As Margarethe told the military and was facing the problem, she decided to fight back and sue the Army. Of course, this will to fight would bring a lot of public attention to her and that would affect, not only her, but also the members of her family, including her children, and that was why she decided to tell them the truth.
   C. Her father: Margarethe was particularly afraid of telling her father, being the oldest and most conservative of her immediate family. When her father told her that he was coming to live with her, she decided to tell him before he found out by himself when he arrived.
3. What is your reaction to this true story? Do you believe that she should have kept her secret or told it to everyone? Explain your response why.
1. Angel Carrillo:
1. I am a little indifferent about the story, still, I guess this was bound to happen anyway.  I know that she just said it because she was asked, but it all escalated because she did not know about the new rule about sexual orientation.
2. Crystal O’Neill:
1. My reaction to this story is nothing out of this world. In my opinion this is a saturated topic in the society we live nowadays, although it is still sad that these things happen. Anyways, I do feel sympathy for Margarethe, since I know how hard it can be to be judged by everyone, even though you are not any less of a person than them and are not doing anything wrong. About the question of whether she should have told the truth about her sexuality or not, I believe she did the correct thing because she did what a loyal, true soldier would have done, and she followed her beliefs to the end, which is admirable.
3. Jeanette Marquez:
1. I think she did a good thing telling people and not lying, since she wasn't doing anything wrong.  I know that at this decade was a taboo, so she did make a statement by suing the military, because they had no reason to fire or discharge her.
4. Paula Delgado:
1. Being a daughter of a veteran attendant I know first hand what affects the discrimination against the LGBTT community in the military can cause.  I think that Margarethe was very bracy for being one of the first people to stand up for her rights as a homosexual in the military.  I liked that she told the truth about her sexual orientation to the world.  Not many people had the courage to do that and with that bravery, she opened the door to many other military personnel.
5. Hector Rodriguez:
1. It’s a sad story about inequality.  I believe that since it not a “life-death” situation, she should have kept it secret for the sake of her job.
6. Nicolas Torres:
1. I believe Margarethe did the right thing. By saying the truth, she created a wave of events that concluded in changing the code of the army concerning homosexuality.  I think that Margarethe’s pride led her to make the decision; because she honors the military code so well, she spoke the truth and wasn’t afraid of the consequences do to the fact that nothing had changed in her life when she said she was a homosexual.
4. How would Dr. Kinsey explain the Margarethe Cammermeyer’s sexuality?  She is a mother of 4 boys so how can she be lesbian? Is it her choice?
1. Dr. Kinsey might have said that Margarethe’s sexuality changed over time.  First she was married to a man and had four children.  According to Kinsey, it would be normal to love a man, and over time, love a woman.  Margarethe made her choice to marry and have children.  One might argue that she had been distracted from her homosexual identity for a time. Then she meets Diane.  For whatever reason, Margarethe had been able to discover, or re-discover, her identity as a woman who is attracted to other women.  In turn, it was her decision to act and live with Diane.
2. Once, she was married to a man and had four children.  For many years, she was married to a man she loved.  Then she divorces the man soon to assert her interest in women.  She then meets Diane whom she had fallen in love with.  Margarethe made her choice, two choices.  She married a
5. What does Margareth believe about her sexaulity as it relates to her identity?

Margarethe tells her sons when she reveals her sexual orientation to them, that she has somehow always known that she was a homosexual. It is not something that she chose to be but something that defines her as a human being. She explained to her family, her superiors and the man that interviewed her for her security clearance, how her sexuality is characterized by her identifying and forming emotional bonds with women and that in turn is part of what makes her who she is.

A deeper look into your "thoughts"

My friend Crystal asked me to explain what “dark thoughts” I referred to when I said “Although I always knew this was referring to thoughts, for example, to not cross out a complete, or part of a, thought because you thought it was ugly, or something indignant, or maybe something you just didn’t want to ever think you would come to think of. To not cross out what you may consider ‘dark thoughts.’” 

By “dark thoughts” I really meant to say things that make you question who you are, things that make you wonder why you live, things that make you question the system you live in, the different causes and effects that surround you.  Basically, you will discover that these inquiries, these thoughts, are what will define you as a person. I learned that I was the only one who could really answer all my doubts with what my goals and my values in life are, what I have accepted to be true, what I think is right, and how I make justice of the things that surround me. (Note: “what I have accepted;” I got to a point where I needed to choose and convince myself that a number of things had to be a certain way, and that these things have and will always continue to work in the same manner forever.)

Writing ones “dark thoughts” on paper can really help you see some internal conflicts you may have in your life.  My first experiences writing my thoughts were kind of scary.   Having been in a very demanding high school and doing my very best to keep up with everything I was doing, and trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I finished there, I found myself writing my thoughts very often.  The first things I realized about my life was that religion wasn’t something relevant to me.  I never found a time where it really helped; I always, and still do, see Jesus as a great role model. Being humble and serving without prejudice is a very gratifying way of living.  I compared my level of happiness whenever I would help people versus the times I thought of helping and I didn’t.  I saw it as a challenge for making myself noticed, and contributing to the world by sharing a moment with another person.  

My high school was a Marianist Catholic high school.  Every morning we would do prayer and in the afternoon.  Every month we’d had to attend to mass in the auditorium.  I got to the point where I lost interest because for some reason I would always get really sleepy.  So I decided to lose interest in religion and write on paper. I would listen to the sermon and the reading before it, but other than that, I considered everything else stories.   I would write ideas and words I would catch from the readings. I would always find ways to see the ideas in my everyday life.

Early on I learned that my main goal in life is to be happy.  It was a challenge to find the connection with everything I was doing, and making out how every particular thing would be of use in my future. I got to the point where I was at peace and did not question things; I took things for what they were, looking for solutions and not making problems. I defined my happiness with the pursuit of knowledge and being able to put it all to good use to help others.

I also learned to understand myself a lot better.  I read segments of book called The Secret.  Out of laziness, I asked a friend what it was about and read more about it on the internet.  It talks about the forces of the universe, and how they act in our everyday life.  The book mentions a few ways to make things that you want to happen really happen.  It really worked. But after waiting for many things that didn’t come, I concluded that this was all to say you make your own luck. One has many opportunities to have everything they want in life. 

For me, I wanted to stop clashing with what I felt life, or society, was asking me to be.  I felt so overwhelmed because I saw myself as the star child in my family, the one that would go farther than my other siblings.  I really did overestimate myself a lot. And writing my thoughts helped me put my feet on the ground.

I guess this is all just to say that writing helped me a lot. My “dark thoughts” were mostly thoughts of being superior to others. I very well defined what my values were, and how I sought to implement them. To think I was capable of doing everything, including crushing some people and having them suffer (not big time things, but say not helping someone understand a subject).  Something this simple made me feel so powerful, and it got to the point that it really scared me. I never thought of being someone that hurt others.

I understood very, very quickly I wasn’t a good poet, although I could see the messages in what I wrote.  It was clear that I wanted a way out from everything; the daily routine, school work, responsibilities, and growing up. I wanted to just give up at one point because I couldn’t keep up with things, I was too busy try understanding things.

When I wrote, my thoughts and ideas were mostly of me being better than others. Little by little I started questioning myself and at the same time answering those same questions.  As dark as a thought you may have, I found a way to understand it.  Writing is a pleasant way to getting to know yourself better.

To directly answer Crystal’s doubt about what I referred to as “dark thoughts,” they were questions I had about life.  As I said, these personal questions about purpose in life and about understanding oneself can only be answered through time, and maybe a little dedication, giving yourself time to reflect on yourself.  Maybe another book that helped me with understanding a lot of things was The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck.  I read this book for my Ethics class, and I really saw many things that I was doing right. By doing things right, I mean to say that I had a kind of harmony in my life.  The same way a harmonious piece of Beethoven or Bach is in accordance, each note follows the other, and the notes end up making a memorable experience for the listener.

Here is a link on a video of an interview of the author of The Secret:
--https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qwZMVe2WVY

Here is a link for an audio of the book The Road Less Traveled: (in the first minutes of the audio the author talks about how he came to writing his book and what he hopes of it.
--https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBbJU4uPDeQ

Our TSA dramatization

In our Advanced English course, we presented a little drama with the theme of discrimination.  My first dramatization, and we presented it to an audience!
At an airport, a mexican businessman traveling was challenged because of his race.  Our drama was about this man who is treated poorly by a TSA officer when the full body scanner chooses him for a random checkup.  To give it a little comic atmosphere to the whole drama, we had chosen to name the mexican after a south american character from the Disney Channel series The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez.
I played a good, kind TSA officer.  My role was to work as a contrast when Esteban faced the second, tough and rude, TSA officer.
I think we all were a bit nervous as this was the first drama for most of us. But everything went well and nobody forgot their lines.  Having finished the drama felt really good. after hearing Esteban say his last words, a big weight was lifter off from everybody's shoulders. I could see this in each member of  our group.
We also got to see our other companions present their dramas as they part of the audience along with other people we didn't know.  They also presented their dramas really well.

Along with every drama, the professor had asked us to integrate a poem that would add to the topic of discrimination. We chose a poem by Maya Angelou.  "Still I Rise" talks about being left out and treated "like dust," as if one were useless or meaningless.  Our group decided this poem was a good addition to the drama.  Esteban says parts of the poem back at the second TSA officer when the officer said "wetbacks."

Overall, it was a good experience to get to write and act out a drama in front of a public.  This obviously adds to my list of experiences as a college student.

Here is a link to "Still I Rise"where the author talks about the poem and recites it.
--https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXCHKWFmU2s

A visit to a literary contest

On the 22nd of April I got to attend an award ceremony for a literature contest in the University of Puerto Rico, Rio Piedras Campus. A few weeks before, the department of General Studies began to accept poems, essays and short stories to select the best one. At the award
ceremony, we the spectators, were able to presence the recognition of young writers from around the campus.

When the ceremony began, a group of my English course sat together so we could make a big cheer for two students of the class had gotten third and second prize. Having been there, listening to the poems, short stories and essays that had been chosen as the best pieces provoked in me a sense of pride for our society. There are a lot of people that acknowledge literature and appreciates a good read. Furthermore, the people who organized the event arranged it in a fun way; the host of the day was a student that would make the attendees feel welcome. Through a bit of inspiration and oratory, the host was able to connect with every person sitting at the ceremony.

So, why would anyone find themselves sitting down at a Literature Contest’s Award Ceremony? Easy! It is because that person appreciates the art of literature. Literature has a lot to teach us, and especially literature from college students made it their business to be heard by others.